I Read it in April 2015

In April I fell behind on the pace I need to maintain to read 100 books by December 31, 2015. It was kind of a crazy, busy month for me. I only completed 4 books, but some of them were great! I am trying hard to catch up and get back on track in May. I am still on track with my essay-a-day goal. But, I have no idea if I will ever be able to catch up on my goal to blog once a week. I have been blogging at a pace of once a month, but I am thinking about potential blog topics for the weeks to come so stay tuned!

Cold Betrayal by J.A. Jance (audio book)

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Listened to this one on audio, which can give a disjointed experience, as it generally takes me a long time to complete a book and because I am usually multi-tasking (driving, cooking, walking) when listening. That said. This was a good light read. Latest in a series set in Sedona, Arizona, with part of the story taking place in my original home state of Minnesota.

I have gotten away from reading as many mysteries as I used to, but have to admit I keep reading books from J.A. Jance’s various Arizona series.

The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Can’t tell you much without spoilers. So you are going to have to believe me when I tell you that although substantially different from “Gone Girl” this thriller will have you just as caught up in it’s intricately woven web. I don’t read a lot of thrillers, but a good one is a great bit of escape reading for me.

Alcohol and memory are important elements in this story.

If you like psychological thrillers, I would say this one is for you.

The Night of the Gun by David Carr

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I have read a lot of memoir and a lot of books on addiction and recovery. This one is brilliant. David Carr was a terrific writer and he used his skills as a reporter to fact-check himself, going back to visit the people and the places that littered the wreckage of his past.

Sadly we recently lost David Carr. Fortunately, he left us this story of his life.

A Spool of Blue Thread by Anne Tyler

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is Anne Tyler’s 20th novel. She has never disappointed me. She writes about people and families beautiful, quirky, real, warts-and-all. She does not always wrap things up with a tidy bow. She does not explain why everyone is the way they are or why they do the things they do. Life isn’t that neat. She writes about messy lives, and her latest book is no different.

This is a book for people who like contemporary fiction. No mysteries are solved. No national dramas occur. People are born, they live, they die. I recommend this book to people who like to get lost in other people’s lives, as small as they may be, as full of disappointments they may be, as full of the ordinariness of life they may be.

A fan since Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant over 30 years ago.

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I Just Read: Books I Read in March 2015

My goal is to read 100 books this year.  I was ahead of my pace in January, February and March.  I had a lot going on in April and fell behind a little, so my next I Just Read update will be much shorter, but I am planning to really kick it in May, so stay tuned!  At the end of March I had completed 28 books.  Below are short reviews of the books I read in March 2015.

 

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Another excellent selection by my book group (also thanks to Hope who highly recommended this one to me). Well written and a compelling story.

I didn’t know if I was going to stick with it for the first 75 – 100 pages. There were a lot of characters introduced. I found myself easily distracted, which is generally not a good sign for a long book (477 pages). But after I got over the initial hump, I was pretty engaged for the rest of the book.

I found myself incredibly naïve about what life in modern day Africa (Nigeria in this case) is like. I found myself incredibly naïve about how a black person from Africa might experience African Americans and white Americans.

I loved the device the main character uses to discuss the differences between herself (and African living in American) and the African Americans she meets, as well as the entire experience of living in America, starting at about age 20. She writes a blog which becomes very successful and from time to time selections from the blog are inserted into the narrative.

There are sooooo many characters in this book, I would be lying if I said that wasn’t difficult to keep track of all of them and at a point I had to let go of the idea that I was going to keep track of all of them.

I came to care a lot about the main character, and I cared about the men she cared for as well.

No spoilers here, but as I am often highly critical of the endings of books, I will say that I approved of the way this one ended.

 

Bad Feminist: Essays by Roxane Gay  (Essay Reading Goal)

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Roxane Gay says she would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all. In this collection of essays she explores all kinds of things with plentiful references to popular culture (with no apologies). In that I find her to be honest and refreshing and a sister of sorts. She pulls no punches though, and I probably wouldn’t like her so much if I didn’t agree with her so much of the time.

Gay has the ability to squirm in my chair when she tells me boldly the problems she experienced with “The Help” (the book and the movie) and with “Orange is the New Black” (the book and the Netflix television program). She points out why I should have problems with them as well, and I know that although I missed many of them on my first reading/viewing/listening, I feel uncomfortable with the fact that I missed them. Like Gay, who wants to be a better feminist, I want to be better too, so I accept the criticism and I feel some shame and white guild. But I also think about what she is telling me and I hope that I will be a better person, more sensitive to how others experience the culture we share.

Glad I read this book. I selected it in part of my essay challenge (read one essay a day in 2015)and I recommend it. She tackles racism, sexism, feminism, popular culture and what it is like to live here in this decade as a Thirtysomething Haitian American woman. Good stuff.

 

The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks by E. Lockhart

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I would give this young adult novel a 3.5 rating if that were possible.

I enjoyed the book and learned new vocabulary including the word panopticon which I found interesting both in it’s original use in the design of a prison and also in the use that the author uses it in which refers to the way people behave when they know there is always the possibility they are being watched.

I loved the main character’s word play, which I could describe here, but then I would take away the pleasure of the experience of reading about it. Suffice to say, she has an interesting way of looking at words that have prefixes like un, in, im.

Protagonist Frankie is dating a popular senior, but she wants to be more than eye candy. She wants to have her own cache, and she goes to many lengths to achieve it.

It is a light read, nothing terribly serious, but still manages to explore things like what a good old boy’s network means, how boys and girls are treated differently, how boys and girls relate to each other with a little bit of intrigue and subterfuge thrown into the mix. Set at a co-ed boarding school.

 

Find Me by Laura van den Berg

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I really wanted to love this book. In fact I loved the first 151 pages of the book. Unfortunately the second half of the book is not written as well, is not as interesting (for the most part), and it was confusing and only slightly helpful in resolving things.

The first half is set in an isolated abandoned mental hospital in Kansas with lots of flashbacks to Joy’s life before the sickness. I thought it was fascinating and left all kinds of room for speculation about how things got the way they were, and how they were going to get out of it.

The second half, in addition to not resolving much of anything about the sickness or the location of Joy’s mother or all sorts of other troubling questions…adds lots of complicated and confusing people, places and things, which although troubling, add little to story.

I can tell Laura van den Berg is a really good writer, and I would read another novel by her. I just wish that the second half had been as compelling as the first.

I looked at several reviews (after I finished the book) and the reaction that I had about the two halves of the book is an opinion that many others expressed.

 

Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Certainly not the best Jodi Picoult that I have read, however it was entertaining and perfect as a book to listen to in the car. I found all the information about elephants fascinating. The mystery/paranormal is a not a direction that really worked for me (although I have read more than a few mysteries and books that include paranormal aspects). Perhaps it was because it was unexpected from Jodi Picoult.

There is one relationship that I find difficult to understand in the book and that is between Gideon and Alice. I think it is because I know absolutely nothing about Gideon, therefore I can’t understand why this was a relationship worth risking so much for. Most of the rest of the characters were better developed than Gideon and he is pretty important to the story.

Yeah. Not thrilled with this, but it was a light and entertaining read.

 

Love Anthony by Lisa Genova

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Mix two mothers in crisis, two husbands, three little girls and one little boy with autism. Put them together on Nantucket Island, during winter, spring, summer and fall. Put a book about autism within a book about love and loss and have the whole thing written by Lisa Genova, a woman with a PhD. in neuroscience, who is better known for writing the novel Still Alice, a novel about a woman with Alzheimer’s which has been made into a movie starring Julianne Moore.

Give the author the gift of making autism seem completely understandable (the book within a book is narrated by the boy with autism) to the reader as well as to the mother of the autistic boy in the book.

And, finish it off with an excellent ending. (Endings can be so lame and can totally destroy the whole read in a few short paragraphs.) Using the actual discussion of how the book within the book’s ending is not right, allows the final version of the ending of the book within the book to be the end of the book.

The first thing my husband asked when I finished the book was, “How was the ending?” as this is a frequent conversation in our house these days. I had to admit, that the author handled the ending rather brilliantly.

I am looking forward (with a certain amount of fear) to reading Still Alice.

 

The Man Who Couldn’t Stop by David Adam

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I like reading books about the mind, about the brain, about mental illness and addiction. I was intrigued when I saw this book on one of the “best of” lists I perused at the end of 2014. I was not captivated by the whole thing. In fact I found myself getting distracted and having to pull myself back, but I really don’t blame that on the book, which I think was well written and accessible to a lay person (like myself). I think my distraction was more personal, I only mention it because I suspect got less out of the book than I might have if I had been more focused when I read it.

I think that I (and probably lots of people in this culture) have a pretty serious misunderstanding of OCD. The author, who has OCD himself and explains it well, also points out that for some reason OCD has become the focus of a lot of jokes in this culture, and that it really deserves more respect. For many the illness can be literally paralyzing and potentially life destroying, if not life-ending.

There is a lot of good information here. I would certainly recommend this book to anyone who knows someone who has OCD, or who thinks they have OCD, or is generally interested in mental illness and mental health.
Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace by Anne Lamott   (Esssay Reading Goal)

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is my favorite book so far in the Essay Reading Project. I have been a fan of Anne Lamott for some time, and appreciate the fact that she has published a new book of essays to read just when I was becoming discouraged by the essays I have read so far this year.

Anne Lamott is also the only person who writes about god in a way that doesn’t make my teeth hurt.

Does Anne Lamott understand the world in a way that no one else does? Maybe.

Does Anne Lamott have a more palatable view of god and his or her place in the universe than anyone else? Maybe

Does Anne Lamott make me believe something that I don’t normally believe or make me suspend my own belief system? Probably not.

Does Anne Lamott write about the world better than most. Absolutely!

Here are a few of the gems from this book of essays:

“Sometimes grief looks like narcolepsy.”

“Forgiving people doesn’t necessarily mean you want to meet them for lunch.”

“So we gathered around the dinner table at my house, to which we had brought roast chicken and heirloom tomatoes…along with what everyone had secretly brought to the feast, the indigestible sorrows of life.”

“Then I got up to do the single most reliable, comforting, celebratory, spiritual action of know. I put clean sheets on the bed and smoothed out their crisp freshness, soft as a cool skin.”

“I can usually manage a crabby hope that there is meaning in mess and pain, that more will be revealed, and that truth and beauty will somehow win out in the end.”

Thank you Anne Lamott. If I could write with the achingly beautiful honesty that you do, I would be beyond grateful!

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I Just Read: Books I Read in February 2015

Keeping up the pace I need to maintain to read 100 books in 2015 is proving to be daunting.  At this point, according to my Goodreads 2015 Reading Challenge Calculator I am still two books ahead of schedule as of today (which is down one from yesterday when I was three books ahead of schedule).

This is the list of books I actually finished during the month of February (bearing in mind that February is a short month).

An Alchemy of Mind: The Marvel and Mystery of the Brain by Diane Ackerman

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

As is often the case with science books, I felt a bit out of my element reading this book, but because I am interested, I keep plugging away at them. Oddly this one was hard for me to connect with, not because of the science, but because the author is very literary, and she uses tons of metaphor, which I found somewhat distracting when I was trying to focus on what I was trying to learn about, rather than how poetically it was written.

That being said, there was some interesting stuff in here. A few examples follow:

“We’re an arrogant, self-infatuated species, and whatever we argue to the contrary, we do believe we’re the pinnacle of life on Earth. Just as every parent has the most beautiful child, we have the most dazzling brain.”

“NYU Neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux: Whether your paycheck is deposited to your bank automatically or you hand it over to the teller in person, it goes to the same place. Nature and nurture are simply two different ways of making deposits in the brain’s synaptic ledgers. Our brain’s genetic plan ordains that it reprogram itself in response to its surroundings–including the womb environment where the tidal landscape is mother, the nourishment her food, the weather her moods.”

“Wonder is a bulky emotion. When it fills your heart there isn’t room for anything else.”

There was good stuff in here, but I found the reading a bit difficult at times, but it was worthwhile and I was particularly interested in the nature vs. nurture discussion that is one of the recurring threads in several of the chapters.

The Burgess Boys by Elizabeth Strout   (Book Group Selection)

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I did not find any of the main characters (or secondary characters in this book)particularly likeable. I have stopped reading books for less. I was however captivated by their stories and their relationships to each other. I came to care what happened to them, in spite of the fact that I didn’t like them much. I occasionally ached for them. I got angry with them. I wanted them to be kinder to each other, more understanding of each other, and sometimes they were.

Three siblings who grew up under a cloud of loss and possible dishonesty and poor communication skills have now affected their spouses (current and ex) as well as the next generation with their dysfunction.

Racism, provincialism, Islamaphobia, Xenophobia, as well as the more familiar themes of infidelity, wealth and power vs. those without wealth or power all play a part in this story of a family struggling to be a family.

 

The Faith of a Writer: Life, Craft, Art by Joyce Carol Oates  (Essay Reading Goal)

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

One of my challenges this year is to read one essay a day. 365 essays in the course of the year. To that end, I have been exposing myself to essays by a variety of writers, some familiar to me, some not. I was actually searching for something else by Joyce Carol Oates, when I happened upon this small volume and thought I would give it a try.

By the time I finished this book, sadly I was pretty convinced that in spite of the fact that I have been telling people for the past two year that I write memoir and personal essay, that perhaps I do not like the form at all. Perhaps what I write is not personal essay? Perhaps I don’t like to read what I like to write?

I am not blaming Joyce Carol Oates or this book in particular. I have been getting more and more discouraged over the first six weeks of this year, when having read something over 45 essays I have found less than a handful that I actually liked. None that I found exceptional.

I hope no one feels the need to judge me or my genres as harshly as I judge others. I would be devastated. And, in fact, I feel the need to take responsibility for all of this myself, rather than placing the blame on the writers or the form. But, frankly, I just don’t get a lot of the essays I read. It is like they try so hard, so self-consciously to be more than what they are, that they end up just leaving me in the dust by the side of the road.

I am not giving up, in fact I have already started another collection of essays by another writer. There are essays out there that I am going to like, going to love, going to want to emulate. I just know it. I feel it in my ever-increasingly-creaky bones.

Sorry JCO. I will stick to your fiction in the future.

 

Golden Days by Carolyn See

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Having recently read two other Carolyn See books (a memoir and a novel) I found this novel disappointing. Carolyn See has moments of brilliance in this book (including the last 30 pages), but for me, reading this relatively short novel was a bit of a slog. I am glad I didn’t give up and stop reading it, because the last 30 pages were so worth it. I felt like See was trying to tell too many stories in this book, and all of them suffered as a result. One of the highlights of the book, as with the other two that I have read is the “California-ness” that they are infused with. As a fairly new Californian, I find that interesting and a little bit magical. But, I am afraid I will not be recommending this one.

 

Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened by Allie Brosh

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Painful, hilarious, relatable, snarky, self-deprecating, dog-mocking. I never read books that look like comic books. I never read books without serious fonts. I never read books that have a have as much space in them devoted to pictures as to word.

But I read this one. And it was funny. And it was good. And I think Allie Brosh is some kind of genius. I don’t know how old Allie Brosh is or anything else about her, but at some points in our lives there had to be a weird cosmic intersection, because I felt like I had finally found my twin. At other points, I felt no connection, but still understood what it was to be her.

Extra points for snarky-ness, and use of foul language, which creates the authenticity that the book needs to keep it real.

Thanks for suggesting this one, Hope!

 

Rhine Maidens by Carolyn See

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I give this one a 3.5. I am not in love with this book, but it was good enough to keep me reading.

As my favorite 13 year old would say, “this book is totally character driven.”

Mother Grace and daughter Garnet tell the story from their own points of view. Grace is talking to an unseen friend, Pearl. Garnet is writing in a journal for a college writing class she is taking.

These two voices tell the same and very different stories about their lives.

Very California, as are all the books I have read by Carolyn See, which is currently a “thing” for me.

Some of Carolyn See’s prose is heartbreakingly beautiful in its simplicity: “Our life was awful enough for my father to leave it when I was eleven and good enough for my mother to keep on crying about it for the rest of her life.” (from Garnet’s journal).

 

The Run of His Life : The People versus O. J. Simpson by Jeffrey Toobin

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Not sure why I read this book. Partly, I was curious about Jeffrey Toobin as a writer. I have been impressed with him as a legal analyst on CNN. Anyway, I read it. I would give it a 3.5. The writing was very good. As on TV, Toobin is a calming presence and he writes very clearly. He does not hold back on his opinion, but he is very calm as he delivers what he sees as the facts. As fascinated as I was by the O.J. Simpson trial at the time, I found that I am not really very interested in the details anymore. So, not because of Jeffrey Toobin’s writing, but rather with my lack of interest in the topic, I am not giving it a higher rating.

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I Just Read: Books I Read in January 2015

One of my goals for 2015 is to read 100 books.  The books listed here are the books I read in January 2015 with brief reviews.  I will be posting the books I have read each month.  I will include books that I have completed and either listened to or read.  I will note the audio books, the books I read for my Book Group and the books that I read for my essay reading challenge (an essay a day).

 

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr  (Book Group Selection)

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is not a book that I would have picked up on my own. World War II is not something I gravitate to without some other compelling reason. In this case, the compelling reason was it was my book group choice. I would give it a 4.5. The parallel stories were interesting and kept me reading, however it was the beautiful writing that is what leaves the overwhelming impression on me. This writer is masterful, both in storytelling and prose. My advice, which I wish I would have taken is to keep track of the dates in which each section occurs. (There is some back and forth here and it helps the story to be aware of what the dates are.) Also read the chapter titles. (I am a skipper of chapter titles as a general rule, and this is one book that is enhanced by them. Don’t skip them!)

Over-all, a really lovely book.

The Beginner’s Goodbye by Anne Tyler

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is a lovely quick read. This is not the strongest of the many books by Anne Tyler, but I have always been a fan, and am not sorry I read this book. It is populated by the quirky characters and families that I have loved ever since I read Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant in the early 1980s. It deals with (not necessarily in this order) publishing, medicine, loss, love, families, differences and similarities, death, friendship, depression, happiness.

Daddy Love by Joyce Carol Oates

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The painful topics in this book (child abduction, mental, physical and sexual abuse by an adult male on a small child, the physical and emotional damage that the parents are subject to….and on and on) are handled deftly by Joyce Carol Oates. The book is readable, and in some ways un-put-downable, probably at least in part because of the horrors that it chronicles, and in part because you have to read on to find out the ultimate fate of the players in this drama. I can only give this book a 3 if only because of the sick to my stomach feeling I had the entire time I was reading the book.

In one sense, I guess, the book did it’s job and repulsed me, but at the same time, I almost could not bear to read it. (Years of reading true crime books in my younger days probably allowed me to distance myself from the cruelty and sickness, as much as I was able to remain at a distance.)

My relationship to this prolific and sometimes mesmerizing author has been a love/hate relationship over the years, and this book only served to reinforce that relationship

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I listened to this one, in my car and in the kitchen. Because I only drive short distances most of the time, this can lead to a choppy read. I would probably give this a 3.5 star, but I am giving it the benefit of the doubt for the way I listened to the book.

It is a contemporary novel about an interracial family with three children. The parents both suffer a lot of unfulfilled dreams and expectations, many of which have been placed firmly on the shoulders of the two older children. The story revolves around death of the middle child, a girl, who has been getting conflicting and equally demanding expectations from each of her parents.

I would also like to mention that Celeste Ng has recently created a list of Asian-American women authors, which is extensive.

The Handyman by Carolyn See

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I kind of loved this book. 4.5 stars. If Ann Tyler and California had a baby, they would have had The Handyman. Art, Angst, Creativity and lack thereof. I don’t know how I missed reading Carolyn See before.

Noah’s Compass by Anne Tyler

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Would give this a 3.5 or 3.75 if possible. It was better than a 3 and it was not quite a 4. I love Anne Tyler, and I really did like this book. I love her quirky characters. They don’t have to do much to entertain me. And, the characters in this book didn’t do very much, and I was suitably entertained. It was a quick and easy read, and entertaining. Good enough!

The Pink Suit by N.M. Kelby

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This was an intriguing idea. The book starts with a reminder of the pink suit that Jackie Kennedy wore on the day that John F. Kennedy was shot and killed in Dallas, possibly one of the most iconic pieces of clothing in American History.

The story then flashes back to how the suit came to be and the people involved in its creation, or at least a story about how that might of happened.

The story then shifts focus to a young woman who worked on the suit, and who created an identical suit for herself. It becomes the story of her life and the time she wore the suit in public.

The book was under 300 pages, and I am not sure that the author or I could have sustained the story any longer.

It was written well enough but the story was a little too thin.

Running Out of Time by Margaret Peterson Haddix

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Besides Harry Potter books, and a few nostalgia reads, Juvenile Fiction is not part of my usual reading material, however I thought the premise of this book was interesting and I decided to try it. I would give it a 3.5 stars, giving it the benefit of the doubt for my lack of familiarity with the genre. It was intriguing, suspenseful and pretty well executed. I think I would have enjoyed this very much when I was in the 8-12 age range.

Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This book is mentioned in many books about writing essays, creative nonfiction, etc. I guess when I was in grade school, which is when most of these essays were written, these might have been revolutionary. To me in 2015, I found them somewhat difficult to follow. Not easy to read. Not my cup of tea. Yes it is probably a matter of taste, but I was horrified when I woke up in the morning and found that the next essay in the book, the one I would be reading that day for my essay reading challenge was long. I found myself really dreading not getting to count this book as a book read in 2015 because I really couldn’t finish it. Close to the end…I did a bit of a marathon today and finished it off.

Sigh. I really wanted to like this collection of essays. I was supposed to like this collection of essays. I really didn’t.

The Wild Truth: The Untold Story of Sibling Survival by Carine McCandless

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

If you were intrigued with the book Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer (which I was) and/or the Sean Penn movie Into the Wild (which I was)…

…you might be fascinated by this book by Chris McCanless’ sister Carine.

I listened to it on audio and was amazed by both her writing style and her reading voice.

Carine McCandless tells the real story of the dysfunctional family that she and Chris grew up in. She tells the story of Chris as best she can, and she tells her own story and that of their half siblings. Carine kept holding out hope that her parents would change, would find redemption, so although she worked with Jon Krakauer on his book and with Sean Penn on the movie, she asked them to withhold some aspects of life in the McCandless family. As Carine went through her own journey, she came to realize that the truth was more important than keeping the family secrets.

I give this book a 4.5.

The Woman I Wanted to Be by Diane Von Furstenberg

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Meh. It was kind of fun to read about this fashion icon, but it could have been a little shorter! I remember the first time I heard about Diane Von Furstenberg was the year I was a nanny in New York City. There was an article about her and the Prince in New York Magazine. This article is referenced in the book as one of the contributing factors in the break-up of Diane and the Prince. (so I felt really in-the-know having read the article at the time it was published!) It was a quick read, but I got a little tired of DVF becoming BFF with everyone she ever met and everyone she ever worked with. Really? Is it possible to have that many BFFs? I am hoping that someday I will be able to own and wear a DVF wrap dress. But, if I don’t that’s okay too.

A New Year / A New Day

As usual I spent a lot of time thinking about what my goals were going to be for the New Year.  2015 was going to start with a whole host of goals, most of which probably avoided the larger questions about my life, but they were good.  They were quantifiable.  They were measurable.  They were recordable on a spread sheet.  These are the kinds of goals I love.

They weren’t wishy-washy, ill-defined things like, I will be more creative in 2015.  Or I will read more in 2015.  Or I will eat healthier in 2015.  No, these things were specific.  These things were not negotiable.

So, for your viewing pleasure, here is what I set out for myself to accomplish in 2015:

1. Read 100 books
2. Read 365 essays
3. Star using Goodreads again to track my books read and to write reviews of all my books read
4. Join weight watchers and lose 30 lbs (I know this is a little TMI, but it is a goal, and I am looking for honesty and accountability here.) (Dr. visit the last week of December 2014 was the precipitating event, with a choice between more diabetes medication or losing the weight. I asked the Dr. to give me three months to see if I could take the weight off.)
5. Increase my blog posting to a blog post a week. 52 blog posts this year.

So, almost a month in to 2015, how am I doing?

Well, not to be immodest, but I am doing pretty well.  I am on track to accomplish all of the goals except one.   And, it is probably the most visible of all of my 2015 goals.  I have yet to write or post a blog post.  My little schedule of Wednesday blog posts, one a week for the entire year is already shot.

If I stumble in my other goals, if I fall behind on reading, or plateau or gain a couple of pounds…what will I do…well…I think I will do what it takes to get back on track.  I will not make excuses.  So. That is what I will do with my blog posts.   I will write and share and post and I will get caught up.

So, I plan to write about what I am reading, what I am learning, about my travels, about my writing, about addiction and being an AA Atheist.

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My Trip to Venice Beach: The Land of Scary Clowns

In November I went to a convention in Santa Monica.  We stayed in a hotel right at the beach in Venice Beach.  I was lucky to have a traveling companion who knew the area well and was confident driving in LA traffic and between our hotel and the Unitarian Universalist Church in Santa Monica where the convention was held.

The hotel we stayed at was the Cadillac Hotel.  It was moderately priced (for the location).  And it was…well it was clean and comfortable.  “No-frills.”  Looking out to see the beach and the ocean from the hotel room window,  I nearly fell out of the window and barely caught my glasses, flying off the top of my head in mid-air.  Still, I could hear the waves from the room.

Part of the charm of the hotel of course was the activity on Venice Beach.  There were people skating and running and walking by at all hours of the night and day.   There were people selling things and creating things and lounging and resting and sleeping.  It was a delightful carnival of humanity.

My traveling companion and I were interested in an artist who paints clowns.  He paints scary clowns on the sides of buildings, on the street where cracks in the pavement provided a perfectly shaped canvas. Just about anywhere in a four block area around the Cadillac Hotel that was free contained some of his clowns.  When we found the artist, Vincent, my friend commissioned him to do a painting for her on canvas.  She gave him $10 to buy the canvas and 24 hours to create the painting.  She told him she would be back the next morning with another $30 when she picked up the painting.

Meanwhile, I was taking pictures of Vincent’s paintings all over the place.  I was intrigued and a little scared.

In the morning when we walked to breakfast we passed a CVS store that was adorned with its own scary clown.   This was not a clown painted by Vincent, rather it was a huge clown statue that looked like a relic from another time.  This whole scary clown thing didn’t make any sense to me, but was interesting.

The next morning we found Vincent, and asked if he had made a painting for my friend.  Uhhhmmmm…not exactly.  She was gracious about it and they parted on good terms.  I asked if I could take a few pictures of him and some of his art.  He was friendly and fairly amenable.  He posed for me, and when I asked if I could take a picture of his chair, he said yes.  He was working on painting a skull when we caught up with him, and seemed pleased to show us what he was doing.

 

Vincent is also known as Enzo and you can read a fascinating chapter about him in the book Homeless in Paradise: Communicating with the Bohemian Venice Beach Subculture by William O’Connell.  Chapter 12 is entitled Clowning Around with the Popular Unforgettable Artist…Vincent.

 

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Anonymous People

Recently I heard about a documentary called The Anonymous People.  It come up in a conversation about a possible recovery workshop. I was unfamiliar with it so  I took advantage of the fact that it is streaming on Netflix and watched the 90 minute movie about two weeks ago.

 

Logo for the movie: Anonymous People

Watch the movie!

This is a movie that explores the idea of anonymity in 12 step programs, and in particular in Alcoholics Anonymous.  Is anonymity relevant in the 21^st century?  Is it time for addicts and alcoholics and members of other 12 step groups, to come out and proclaim their recovery, their affiliation with these anonymous programs.  Does the idea of “attraction rather than promotion” hold up in the society we now live in with electronic media and louder and louder advertising for alcohol, medications to take you up, settle you down, take away your anxiety?  Is anonymity really important to me or my fellows?  Is the idea of anonymity relevant in a world of Facebook and twitter and blogs?

It seems like it is a very personal decision.  My philosophy has always been that people saw me acting like a damn fool when I was a practicing alcoholic and addict.  I am certainly not ashamed of my recovery.  I am happy when I have the opportunity to share my experience, strength and hope with people who are not themselves members of 12 step groups.   I am growing more comfortable writing and speaking about it.  I attempt to respect the anonymity of others, but for example, my husband and I have an agreement that he may break my anonymity and I in turn can break his.

Patrick Kennedy, Politician, Son of Famous Person, and Advocate

Once I was walking on the beach with a friend I know from AA.  We ran into a mutual acquaintance.  She asked how I knew my walking partner, I panicked.  I said, “I really can’t say,” which, was absurd and rude.   The whole situation remains as a shining example of how not to protect someone’s anonymity.

Politician and Advocate

The description of The Anonymous People movie on Netflix says in part, “Just like women with breast cancer, or people with HIV/AIDS, courageous addiction recovery advocates have begun to step out of the shadow to fuel a passionate new public recovery movement that will transform public perception and ultimately the response to the addiction crisis…FOREVER.”   I LOVE that!

I wish to acknowledge some of the daring people who participated in this documentary:  Kristen Johnston, Patrick Kennedy, William Cope Moyers and Jim Ramstad.

William Cope Moyers: Son of a Famous Person, Author, Famous Person in his own right, Advocate

Watching the movie energized me, and made me want to share it with everyone who has at least a passing interest in recovery.  It also led me to read Kristen Johnston’s book Guts: The Endless Follies and Tiny Triumphs of a Giant Disaster.   She is brilliantly funny and courageous and if I can say this without being too big a nerdy-fan-girl goof, a shining star in this world of recovery.

Guts: The Endless Follies and Tiny Triumphs of a Giant Disaster by Kristen Johnston

Read the book!

It is one thing for me to ‘bravely’ out myself at every opportunity.  It is quite another for people who are well known for other things, like acting or being the famous son of a famous person, or being a politician or the famous son of a politician to step up and speak out.  I applaud all of them.

Kristen Johnston, Actress, Author and Advocate

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if some day in the not too distant future we could say, openly, proudly, “I am a member of Alcoholics Recovery,” instead of hiding our affiliation with this organization that has helped so many of us. This would really be Radical Recovery! We might even be able to attract a few new members

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Recovering from the Recovery Convention

 

I attended the We Agnostics and Freethinkers International Alcoholics Anonymous Convention in Santa Monica, California last weekend. I had a wonderful time and learned lots.  I feel like I found my people.  I will be writing more about my experience soon, but in the meantime I wanted to share some links and information about the Convention.

The most coveted bit of swag at the convention was the 2” X 2” square “Sober Atheist” button. Only a few people got them, but there was a sign posted that sent you directly to the website where they could be purchased.  Go here and order your own.  They also have a lot of other “Sober Atheist” products.  Unfortunately I didn’t see a bumper sticker, which I would love to have for my car.

Square Sober Atheist Button

Anyway, you can order your own “Sober Atheist” gear at the website. If you are local to me (San Luis Obispo, CA), I have ten buttons on order and if you can’t wait, you can get one from me.

Lots of great information about the three days of the convention can be found at the AA Agnostica Site (there are currently blog posts for Day 1, Day 2 and Day 3 and I expect there will be more to come in the near future.)

And, final tidbit for today, the next Convention will be held in 2016 in Austin, Texas. I hope to be there as well!

 

 

The “God Stuff”

One of the things that I have struggled with during my many years of participation in AA and NA is what some of us call “the god stuff.” The references to religion, spirituality, God, and Higher Power are everywhere in the literature and the culture of AA.  Even in the best efforts of the folks back in the 1930s, the “Chapter to the Agnostic” pretty much assumes that as soon as you start to come out of your addiction, and into the light, you will happily go back to some concept of God, albeit not necessarily the God of your childhood.

I have no concept of God. I never had a concept of God.  My mother was an agnostic, and I think my father was an atheist.  We attended the Unitarian church and we were introduced to many concepts of God from many traditions from around the world, but were never expected to accept any of them as our own.  We were not told which concepts of God we were supposed to embrace.  I came early to the idea of Atheism.  I don’t remember how old I was, but I was certainly a freethinker by early elementary school.

A poll taken in the summer of 2014 and described in an AlterNet article and later published in Salon.com says “Now according to a new survey by the Pew Research Center, we know who is disliked the most. Atheists and Muslims appear to be in a statistical tie. While atheism itself is not a religion, it is often included in religious polls to help account for those who reject religion, instead of just non-affiliated believers.”

It is no wonder, that many atheists do not feel comfortable publicly discussing their atheism. If I am a member of the most hated religious group in America, but can pass, either by keeping my mouth closed or by suggesting that while not religious, I am spiritual, then why would I share my hated status with others, especially those in a program which absolutely has a significant spiritual and religious component.

I, however, do occasionally speak about my atheism in 12 step groups. Like on my sobriety anniversary, or when I see some newcomers struggling with the “god stuff” and I want to let them know that it is possible to work this program without a belief in God.  Mostly though, I discuss this aspect of my recovery program with trusted friends outside of meetings.  It has mostly been a private, sometimes lonely, an quiet quest.

This week I have an opportunity to attend the first We Agnostics & Free Thinkers International AA Convention (November 6–8, 2014 at the Unitarian Universalist Community Church in Santa Monica, California). In preparation for this experience I have found some resources to share with others who find themselves in the same dilemma I often find myself. I am a member of AA who works hard to translate everything into language that is acceptable to the Atheist that I am, and who works slightly less hard to keep that side of myself quiet as it is a matter of some shame to be a member of the most hated religious group in America.

First I want to give you the information for the Convention I am attending this weekend. If you are going please introduce yourself to me.  If you are not going, stay tuned because I plan to do some blogging about the Convention.  Also, there are plans for a second We Agnostics and Free Thinkers International AA Convention two years hence.  So, be sure to sign up for the blog on their website to stay in the loop on that!

Another blog that I highly recommend is AA Agnostica: A space for AA agnostics, atheists and freethinkers worldwide. It contains so much information, I can get lost there for hours at a time, and each time a new post arrives in my mailbox I am anxious to see what wonderful thing they have to share.  They feature a literature list, how to start an AA meeting, alternative steps and so much more.

A book that I discovered and now have a copy of on both my kindle and the kindle app on my phone is Beyond Belief: Agnostic Musings For A 12-Step Life: Finally, a Daily Reflection Book for Nonbelievers, Freethinkers and Everyone by Joe C. This is a thoughtful and really lovely daily reflection book.  I think Joe C. has done a wonderful job in not making this exclusively for anyone.  It truly is for everyone.  And I am grateful to finally have a daily reflections book that works for me.

Get in touch with me here if you are going to be attending the convention in Santa Monica this coming weekend.  I am so looking forward to sharing this journey with others and look forward to making lots of great connections!

 

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I Am Officially Ancient

Jim Morrison (The Doors)

I am officially ancient.

When the man who is putting in our new flooring asked if I minded if he put an oldies station on the radio, I said…”no problem. I like oldies, because I am old.” I was expecting some Rolling Stones, Janis, the Doors, maybe some Dylan and Eagles and a little Pete Seeger. Since I am writing a piece set in 1971, I thought…hey…this could even be inspiring.

He spent some time getting set up and I (in my temporary office in the kitchen) started writing. Finally he got around to turning on the music.

OMG, it is hip hop.

Oldies hip-hop.

I am ancient.

 

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