Moans, Groans, Stones and Bones

I have been on a medical quest for the last few years.  It started about 9 years ago when I had my first kidney stone.  It hasn’t been a very rigorous quest, but slowly as time has passed (and I waited for other kidney stones to pass…there have been 4 so far) my doctors and I have been working on the question.  We have been working on a lot of things, so the kidney stone problem didn’t always take center stage. 

In February 2007, when my mother died and for months thereafter, I suffered some rather more severe depression than what I normally suffer from.  I went to see a therapist, who within 5 minutes of our first meeting asked me when I had last attended an AA meeting.  I also had asked my primary care physician to change my anti depression medication.  This proved to be a disaster, as I ended up having a bad reaction to the new medication and ultimately ended up going back to the medication I had been on originally.

I started attending AA meetings at least weekly, after a hiatus of nearly 20 years, and although I rarely talked at meetings, some of my depression symptoms began to ease. 

In March 2007 I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.  I was put on a very strict low carbohydrate diet, which I followed to the letter.  I was put on medication for diabetes and high cholesterol and triglycerides.  I quit smoking and began exercising.  I lost weight. I got my numbers under control.  I continued to attend AA meetings.  I felt tired much of the time, but I chalked it up to medical problems, aging, and depression. 

In November 2007 I had another kidney stone (this was #4).  I drove myself to the emergency room, and spent several hours in the emergency room, giving the longest and most detailed medical history ever.  I continued to refuse the pain medications that they were offering me, but did accept the hydration that was provided as I was very dehydrated and exhausted from being up all night in pain. 

That kidney stone never passed.  (I actually can’t say that I ever experienced the passing of a kidney stone, but they say that is the worst part, so I probably would have noticed!)  I went to a urologist who was going to do laser surgery, but not until we returned from the first summer of “Sabbatical Summer (summer of 2010).” 

The laser surgery was a success, but I had new dietary restrictions.  In addition to my low carb diet, which had been relaxed minimally over the years, I was put on a low oxalate diet.  High oxalate foods include: peanuts, tree nuts, spinach, olives and a host of other fruits and vegetables.  (A good share of my low carb diabetes diet snacks included peanuts, almonds and olives.)

To find out if the diet was working (reducing the oxalates in my body which were probably partially responsible for my kidney stones) I had a test done that required a 24 hour urine collection.  When the results became available, I learned that my oxalates were now normal, which was the good news.  I also learned that my calcium was elevated.

One afternoon at work I received a phone call from my doctor, who thought I should be tested for one more thing.  It was probably unlikely, but it could be the reason for my elevated calcium levels. The condition she referred to is hyperparathyroidism.  I made an appointment with an endocrinologist, who sent me to nuclear medicine for a scan and to a surgeon.  The endocrinologist did not seem to think that it would matter if I waited until after Sabbatical Summer 2 (summer 2011).  I arranged appointments for the scan and the visit to the surgeon for this past Monday and Tuesday. 

I had a pretty good summer.  The weather did not always cooperate.  I set goals for myself that I didn’t seem to be able to achieve.  I got depressed and frustrated that I didn’t get more writing done.  I felt tired and lazy.  A person who has always sprung out of bed early, already awake, would lay in bed for a long time every day, trying to wake up.  I read a lot.  I watched a lot of TV series.  I slept what felt like too much.  I enjoyed time with friends and some of things we did, but I do think I was actually very stressed about the possible diagnosis of hyperparathyroidism. 

I finally in the last couple of weeks of Sabbatical Summer 2 looked up parathyroid on the internet and learned something about the possible symptoms and consequences of the disease.  There are all kinds of websites out there that detail what it is and what it does, but when I looked at the symptoms, I realized  that a lot of the things I had attributed to age and other health issues perhaps were related more specifically to this condition and there was a possibility for improvement.

Without going into detail, the two days I spent inTucsonthis week netted the result that I do indeed have hyperparathyroidism and will be having surgery in January. 

Here is a list of the possible symptoms of hyperparathyroidism, which often are not reported because people assume they are part of the aging process, or a difficult period in their lives.  I found that I had more than a couple of them, but would have not thought to bring them to the attention of my primary care physician because they seemed too minor. 

• Back pain
• Blurred vision (because of cataracts) (check…first comment from eye doc at my most recent visit)
• Bone pain or tenderness
• Decreased height
• Depression (check)
• Fatigue (check)
• Fractures of long bones
• Increased urine output
• Increased thirst
• Itchy skin
• Joint pain (check, see in particular my sports injury last March which may be considered joint pain and which continues to this day)
• Loss of appetite (unfortunately NOT)
• Nausea
• Muscle weakness and pain (see above re: joint pain)
• Personality changes (someone else will have to answer this one…although I do feel like I am more quick to anger and frustration than I have been for many years)
• Stupor and possibly coma (check, no coma, but I sure do feel like I am in a stupor much of the time)
• Forgetfulness (check, especially losing words or train of thought in the middle of a sentence)
• Upper abdominal pain

The list of possible complications includes kidney stones (check, check, check, check) and osteoporosis.

As a result of the symptoms and complications of this condition, it has been given the name, Moans, Groans, Stones and Bones.  When I found that nickname, I had a huge laugh.  I felt like that was the perfect description of my life the past few years.

When I was leaving the surgeon’s office yesterday, seeing if I could arrange my surgery during my next work hiatus (January), he said that would be no problem, as it was something I had probably had for years.

So in many ways it was a relief to be diagnosed and to know there is a good chance that I will improve in many of the areas that I have felt so frustrated by over the past few years.

My Friend Julie

I first met Julie about 5 years ago.  It was at a Unitarian Universalist Pacific Southwest District Assembly in Riverside, California. I was a vendor selling jewelry, books. chalices and a variety of other stuff.  Julie was a vendor selling an idea.  She may have had a brochure and a business card.  She had a smile that insisted you repay in kind.  Her booth was behind mine, and, as I had shown a passing interest, we chatted a lot that weekend.  She revealed to me that she was quite new to the Unitarian Universalist church and she had discovered it at about the same time she discovered recovery through Alcoholis Anyonymous.  She had a vision and she was at the District Assembly to share her vision.

I was an old timer.  I was born into the Unitarian Universalist chuch.  One of those “born Unitarians” that you sometimes hear about.  I had also been in recovery from drugs and alchohol for a lot of years…about 25 years at that point.  I thought Julie was nice, but kind of naïve.  I wished her well and enjoyed our conversations between customers. 

Last summer I was walking though the hall of vendors at the UUA General Assembly in Minneapolis and I ran into Julie again.  Her hair was a different color, but her smile was as engaging as ever, and I would have recognized her anywhere.  Julie was at a booth at General Assembly and The Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) Addictions Ministry and The Addictions & Recovery Ministry of the Unitarian Universalist Pacific Southwest District are now real things.  (Below are their mission statements and websites).  Julie’s dream was a reality and lots of ministers and congregations were getting involved in this movement. 

I saw Julie a few more times over the week.  She had organized AA meetings and Rational Recovery meetings every day of the Assembly.  I attended twice, with an old friend, and life-long Unitarian Universalist who had recently joined the fellowship of AA.

In between those two meetings with Julie, I was able to attend a workshop at another District Assembly about Addiction and Recovery Ministries which was lead by several UU ministers from California, as well as congregants from some of their churches.  The workshop was interesting and informative and I was beginning to feel connected to this movement. Lots of important issues were discussed as well as how some of these churches had been incorporating this healing ministry into their churches. 

Last year we bought a book at Julie’s booth called The Addiction Ministry Handbook: A Guide For Faith Communities by Denis Meacham.  The book provides practical steps and information for faith communities serving members affected by drug and alcohol abuse.  It outlines:

1. The basic of drug abuse—from the causes of chemical dependence and the progression of drug use to the six stages toward changing addictve behavior.
2. The special role of faith comunities and pastoral caregives in supporting recovery.
3. Programming and initiatives that form the core of a congregational-bassed addiction ministry.
4. An alcohol abuse assessment tool, a congregational addiction assessment questionnaire and a list of web sites and books for futher information.

Some churches have had a series of workshops educating themselves about addiction and recovery in the same way the church I attend has had workshops on immigration issues and on LGBT issues when we were on our way to becoming a Welcoming Congregation.  Some UU churches have worked on making the 12 steps and 12 traditions of 12 step groups and the 7 Principles and 6 sources of Unitarian Universalism, which have some similarities, work together in an ongoing way through addiction and recovery ministry.

As I look forward General Assembly this year at the end of June,. I hope that Julie will be there so we can reconnect and share our experiences over the past year.  I have changed my haircolor several times this year and I am looking forward to seeing what color Julie’s hair is this summer!  We will recognize each other because we have a deep connection even though we have only met a few times.  I hope there will be more workshops on adiction and recovery ministry that I can attend.  I hope I will learn ways to bring back what I learn to my friends in recovery and my fellow congregants.  I hope that there will be AA meetings during the Assembly which will give me a chance to regroup, learn from others from around the country and center myself in the midst of what can be a whrlwind of activity and a very exhausting few days.

The Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) Addictions Ministry is called to walk together with congregations and religious professionals to educate individuals, families, congregations and communities about the suffering caused by addiction.

Our purpose in doing this ministry is to transform cultures of misuse and abuse into cultures of healing, wholeness, and health.

http://www.uua.org/leaders/leaderslibrary/addictionsministry/131107.shtml

The Addictions & Recovery Ministry of the Unitarian Universalist Pacific Southwest District promotes and supports programs in UU organizations in Southern California, Southern Nevada and Arizona that are in alignment with our UU principles, that support addiction prevention and recovery for our church congregations and the larger community.

We hope to foster the development of addictions ministries throughout our denomination through sharing with Unitarian Universalists interested in the challenges and effects of addictions within our congregations and the larger society and to build connections and networks among them

http://www.pswdaddictions.org

National Novel Writing Month: Dispatches From My Living Room: #1

Sabbitical Summer Part I ended officially for me on October 1.   I started back to work at the Copper Queen Library, where I will be for the next three months.  But, in an effort to continue to challenge myself I have a new project for the month of November, which I will be sharing here.  I also have lots more to say about Sabbatical Summer itself.  So, for now, I will begin with this introduction to National Novel Writing Month

Many of you think of Thanksgiving when you think of November.  You may think of the start of holiday shopping, the changing of seasons, some days off of work and/or school.  This November I am thinking about National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).  The motto for NaNoWriMo is: November 1^st – 30^th: Thirty Days and Nights of Literary Abandon.

NaNoWriMo Participant

 

Have you ever thought about writing a novel?  I have.  When I was eight or nine I even interviewed babysitters to illlustrate the juvenile novels that I was plotting in my head.  I thought about it in Junior High, I thought about it in my twenties.  I thought about it when Helen Hooven Santmyer’s most famous book (And Ladies of the Club) was published when she was 88 years old.  And…it made the bestseller list.

I have not given up yet.  I am still thinking about novel writing, but I guess you could say I have been one of those people that the NaNoWriMo people call a “one day novelist,” meaning that I always thought that ONE DAY, I would write a novel.  All that is about to change.  I am going to sign up for and commit myself to the NaNoWriMo. 

 

If you are interested in the project which over 165,000 people participated in last year, I highly recommend that you visit the website:  www.nanowrimo.org .  This well-organized website has everything about the project, about how to participate in it and what the whole thing is about and it tells you way more than I could in this space.

Here is the short version:

 

What: Writing one 50,000-word novel from scratch in a month’s time.

Who: You! We can’t do this unless we have some other people trying it as well. Let’s write laughably awful yet lengthy prose together.

Why: The reasons are endless! To actively participate in one of our era’s most enchanting art forms! To write without having to obsess over quality. To be able to make obscure references to passages from our novels at parties. To be able to mock real novelists who dawdle on and on, taking far longer than 30 days to produce their work.

When: You can sign up anytime to add your name to the roster and browse the forums. Writing begins November 1. To be added to the official list of winners, you must reach the 50,000-word mark by November 30 at midnight. Once your novel has been verified by our web-based team of robotic word counters, the partying begins.

If you have ever wanted to write a novel, or to challenge yourself in a way you may not have challenged yourself before, check out the website for NaNoWriMo.  If you are interested in watching someone else do it, you can follow my posts here at the Copper Queen Library blog.  I promise to be brutally honest about the process, and hope to have a little fun sharing this experience with others

If you are considering participating in NaNoWriMo, we would love to hear your comments, your experiences and anything you would like to share with others.  If there are people who are interesting in forming a virtual or in real life support group during the process, that is absolutely a possibility.

(A word to the wise: 50,000 words in 30 days is 1,667 words a day!)

We ARE a Welcoming Congregation

Way back at the beginning of the summer, I attended General Assembly of the Unitarian Universalist Association in Minneapolis. I may or may not have promised to come back to that later, but I know in my mind I had every intention of returning to that subject.

So now, almost three months later, I want to start by telling a short but meaningful (to me) story about my General Assembly experience.

When you check in, you are given a name badge, some ribbons and some cards that send you to various booths in the vendor area to pick up additional ribbons and pins.  (For example I went to one booth that was representing the host city for the next General Assembly and picked up a pin celebrating the 50 years since the merger of Unitarianism and Universalism.  (see picture) (There will be some information about the merger in the sermon Whose Are We? that Rod is preparing for October 3, 2010)

I was disappointed but not surprised that I did not get a ticket for my Welcoming Congregation ribbon.  We had sent in our application for approval during the spring, and as I recall we received our letter of approval days if not hours before we left for General Assembly.  I was wandering around the vendor hall (and there will be a blog post about that as well) and noticed the booth that had the ribbons for Welcoming Congregation.  I talked to the woman at the booth, and explained my situation.  Our congregation had received approval for Welcoming Congregation, but probably not in time to get a ribbon in the registration materials.  She looked at my badge, which in addition to my name says “UU Church of Southeastern Arizona, Sierra Vista, AZ.” 

There was instant recognition in her eyes and she said, “Oh yes, I processed your application, of course you can have a ribbon.”  So, for the first time in my General Assembly experience I proudly wore my Welcoming Congregation ribbon.  I was very proud to be a member of this congregation who worked so hard to becoming a Welcoming Congregation and I hope this is a ministry that we will continue to proclaim and support from this point forward. (Be sure to stay tuned for more information about our Coming Out Sunday which is planned for October 17, 2010)

My Three Verbs

Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia is a 2006 memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Eat, Pray, Love has now been made into a movie starring Julia Roberts.  Both the book and movie have been getting a lot of attention lately.  I have not read the book, nor seen the movie.  I did hear the author interviewed several years ago, and have a general idea what the book is about. 

Recently I saw the following post on twitter by @slarkpope and found it an entertaining response to the book and the movie:  “ eat, pray, love, rinse, lather, slather, repeat, regret, remorse, repent, repeat, redux, binge, purge, weep, wake, bake, shake, rattle, roll. That is all.”  I reposted the tweet on facebook because I thought it was fun and snarky.

One of the responses I got from Jan Christian, friend and Unitarian Universalist minister, was that her sermon the previous Sunday had been about My Three Verbs.  I asked what her three verbs were and then decided I needed to think about mine.

I came up with: Absorb, Observe, Reflect.

I feel like these three verbs are always part of my life, but I believe that I have been a little more intentional about them during this wonderful Sabbatical Summer of 2010. 

Absorbing and Observing are kinds of reading.  Reading the landscape, reading the art, reading the people and the culture.  Being aware, soaking it all up and in.  Listening.  Feeling.  Learning.  In the past I have described myself as a “life-long learner,” partly because that is what I want to be.

This summer my reading project about atheism, humanism and evolution has been wonderful and enlightening and stimulating, and I have only scratched the surface and each new author recommends several other books that I am adding to my list. But being in other countries, and other cultures allowed me lots of opportunities to absorb and observe as well, and I had the chance to meet and be with people from a variety of points of view and places and that has broadened and deepened my experiences.

Reflecting for me seems to be multi-faceted.  Reflecting is of course internal.  What do I think, feel, believe about what I have read, seen, watched, experienced?  But it can also take more participatory forms as well.  I have been photographing my experiences and I have been blogging about my experiences.  I have been talking and indeed, having experiences with other people.  All of which are part of my reflection.

So, for the moment, I like these three verbs.  They will probably change over time, but right now, this is a way for me to be.  Absorbing, Observing and Reflecting.

I invite you to post your three verbs, either with or without comment.

Ten Things I Learned On My Summer Vacation

• My mother was the best packer in the world.  I do not follow in her footsteps.  I will try to do better in the future.

 

•   If one hair dryer is heavy and takes up a lot of room, two hair dryers are beyond the pale, even if one of them is a travel hair dryer, and even if it was an accident that both of them ended up in one of the suitcases going to Europe.

 

• If you use Kindles or Nooks or any other eReaders for travel because they are light and easy to carry, then buying a dozen or two “old school” books in Minneapolis, Kerkrade, London and Oxford is not a very good idea.

 

• Don’t worry about having variety in your clothing when you are traveling.  Pick a “uniform” and stick to it.  No one cares what you wear.  I learned this in junior high school when my mother punished me for a “clothing offense” by making me wear the same outfit to school for an entire week.  No one noticed, although I was mortified each and every day.  I still remember what I wore.

 

• Smart phones are really dumb if you don’t buy the data package for the countries that you are traveling in, so don’t load your phone up with apps that will show you where to go, how to get there and what to see in the countries you will be in, because you won’t be able to view any of them until you get home.

 

• Bring a washcloth with you wherever you go.  I stayed in 10 or so hotels in the Netherlands and England.  Exactly two of them provided me with a washcloth.   Many did not provide me with soap or shampoo either and NONE of them provided me with conditioner.

 

• ICE.  Forget about it.

 

• If you want to read a Bible or a Book of Mormon in your hotel room, you better bring one with you, because the hotel room drawers are ALL EMPTY.

 

• If you are the navigator, screaming through roundabouts in England is not a good strategy, even if a really big bus is bearing down on you.

 

• Trust your well-traveled friends when they remind you that “there are stores over there.”  There are.  And it is excessive to take two regular-sized deodorants and one travel-sized and two travel-sized toothpastes and one regular-sized.  They actually do have stores over there, and while some things may be unobtainable (sugar free chocolate) or a little more expensive, you really don’t have to take it ALL with you. 

My Favorite Thing in London

Oddly, the thing that I liked best in London was not a museum or a library or a castle.  It wasn’t a store or a neighborhood or a restaurant.  I saw lots of art and fashion and history and culture.  I saw churches and towers and statues. I saw vast collections of stuff.  I saw amazing architecture and places both famous and infamous.  What I expected to like best barely even made the list, and what I never even considered ended up being my favorite thing. 

I thought the most amazing thing in London was the Tube, the Underground, the Subway, if you will.  Not a stranger to public transportation, even the subways of New York, I found myself looking at the Tube Map, planning our trip for the day.  At first we would get in the queue and ask how to get from point A to point B, but soon it was clear that we usually had figured it out on our own, and if not the best route, then certainly a good enough route. 

That station closest to our hotel was Bayswater Station.  Bayswater was close to Paddington Station, and Notting Hill and a lot of other places I knew about from movies and books.  We bought an Oyster card for a week, and then had to add to it (or top it up) a couple of times as our ten days progressed (twice because we went outside of the zones that were covered by our oyster cards, and the last two times because we had used up our original 7 days). 

Sign for Bayswater Station, the Tube, London

It is not cheap to travel around in London.  I believe it is over 5 pounds a day, but that covers unlimited buses and trains, as long as you stay within the zones that you pay for.  The oyster card turns out to be a pretty good deal if you are using it every day.  It is not such a good deal if you take a day or two off and don’t ride any public transportation.  The more you don’t use it, the more it costs. 

I am not really a puzzle person.  I am impatient, and if the solutions do not come easily, I get frustrated and think that there are other ways I could be spending my time (e.g. reading a book, watching a movie, taking a nap.)  However, I found the puzzle of plotting my route on the Tube rather enjoyable.  There were usually multiple “correct” answers.  I didn’t have enough time to get terribly familiar with the stations that were on our routes, so I didn’t know if one station was going to have more steps to climb or be more windy or more crowded, I had to just look at the brightly colored lines on the maps in and around the station and strategize the transfers that would take me to the desired location.

Sometimes there was still a hike after disembarking, but generally, once a station had been achieved, it was a fairly quick walk to the goal, be it a museum, a theatre, or some other venue. 

I am not sure I can even pinpoint what I liked best about the Tube.  Was it the fact that it was like a puzzle, but one I not only could be successful in solving, but also one that had such an instantaneous and gratifying reward when the puzzle was completed?  Was it the colorful lines and the charming station names on the oversized maps that made it seem like a children’s game?  Was it really reaching the endpoint, the historic site, the place of higher learning, the church, the temple of knowledge that was the valuable part of the game?  Or was it as I suspect a combination of being in a city that required, demanded, actually needed such an extensive mass transit system; a city so old that the Tube was, although a relatively recent addition, still an historic feature of the city; or was it a combination of the pleasure of the win, the score, the ultimate achievement of arriving at the very place I intended to arrive and the feeling that in a matter of days, hours really, I was a part of this vibrant, lively, enormous city and I had at some level conquered the transportation system that I had read about in a hundred books?

Tube Map, the Tube, London

Whatever combination it was, it made traveling in and around London a fun part of each day and of each experience.  Yeah, The British Museum was interesting and all that, but the Tube….well, I conquered the Tube.

Coffee Qualms and Hymn to Holland

And now to the really important stuff: COFFEE.

I take a lot of…umm…ribbing for my love of (some might say my addiction to) coffee.  It is true that I revel in a good cup of coffee and that I sometimes have been known to go to great lengths to obtain such.  Though when I am at home I make coffee every morning, which usually keeps me for the day (thanks to a handy travel mug), when I am traveling, I often purchase the coffee that others have made.  This means that I am routinely patronizing a Starbucks near wherever I happen to be.

Much of the ribbing mentioned previously centers around this.  Some of the ribbing is good-natured; some is disapproving; some is meant to be educational, in the sense that people wish to contribute to the strengthening of my financial well-being, my moral fiber, and my environmental awareness. 

Starbucks coffee costs a lot of money, they say.  There are cheaper options.  Why not just drink the coffee here (retreat center, breakfast café, meeting, etc.)? 

And why support such a megalithic corporation with this outlandish spending?  Couldn’t you at least direct it to an independent coffee shop?

And have you thought about the fossil fuels you are burning just to get that coffee?  Do you wish to contribute to the mountains of paper cup trash that Starbucks creates every single day?

Though I admit to feeling a little defensive about these comments, I do listen to them.  I now bring a mug wherever and whenever I can to avoid those paper cups.  That’s a change I can make (and have made).  It just takes a few internal reminders.

But I admit to having trouble with the other suggestions.  Let me tell you why (and the revelation that dawned in Amsterdam, which inspired my personal hymn to Holland).

First, I buy coffee from Starbucks because I can usually find one most anywhere I am and I can depend on the quality of their coffee.  And if that sounds lazy (why not look for an independent?), let me point out that I do buy from independents whenever possible (e.g. Dunn Bros. in Minneapolis/St. Paul—do they still qualify?)  And let me further point out that I have tried to patronize independent coffee shops I have tracked down in at least five cases in five different places with less-than-satisfactory results.  It wasn’t quality or price that was the problem (I would be happy to pay more at an independent); it was the fact that I was looking for coffee before 7 AM.  None of the independents (in these cases) were open.  You can maybe guess what was open?  Yep.  Starbucks.  I can also depend on their hours.

But, I thought to myself, are these just excuses?  How about those situations where there is coffee made available (e.g. ministers’ retreats)?  Is a special trip (which has become something of a tradition, as I also pick up coffee & tea–or should I say: chai?–for other ethical-renegade ministers) really necessary when there is a gigantic pot of coffee supplied every day?

Well, the short answer is: no.  It is not necessary.  I fully understand that a good cup of coffee is a luxury which I choose to indulge.

And the other short answer is: yes.  If the argument against going to Starbucks is that there is coffee here (again, wherever here may be: retreat center, café/restaurant, meeting room), then the person asking is not relating to the desire for good coffee.  Good coffee, in the U.S., is a pretty rare commodity; by which I mean it is available at some coffee shops and that’s about it.  Your chance of getting a good cup of coffee in a restaurant (at least the restaurants that I can afford) is slim to none.  It is a specialty item.  And because Starbucks has branded the commodity, they are often the first (and handiest) choice.

It wouldn’t have to be that way. 

How do I know?  Because I have been to the Mecca of Mocha, the Jerusalem of Java, the Epicenter of Espresso, the Capitol of Coffee.  I have been to Holland.  I have ambled through Amsterdam and kicked around in Kerkrade and swallowed many cups of coffee, every one of them excellent.  Let me say that again: EVERY ONE OF THEM EXCELLENT.  Whether from an actual coffee shop, or a café, or a hotel breakfast, or a meeting room, or a sidewalk stand, or a museum, or a diner, or…How wild is that?  How uncommon?  The Netherlands has great coffee and apparently, by some edict or another, they have banned the creation of bad coffee.  Why not just make it all good?

Why not, indeed?  Those who suggest that I just “drink the coffee here” do not realize that similar ingredients do not necessarily make the same beverage.  There are coffees so wildly different in quality and flavor that they should be called by different names.  One can no more substitute for the other than a Twinkie could substitute for a cream puff.

Why not just make it all good?  So simple…and yet, where else is this true?  I thought maybe it was a European thing, and then I got to England and realized that they are more than happy to serve bad coffee.  It should be noted that it never crossed my mind to search for a Starbucks in Amsterdam.  Why bother?  But since coming to England, my Starbucks card (thanks, W & B!) has been put to good use.  Why?  Because they follow in the footsteps of their cousins across the pond who seem to think that bad coffee should be served most everywhere except for (some) coffee shops.

If I hadn’t experienced the caffeinated paradise of The Netherlands, I may not have believed it possible.  And now that I have experienced it, can I return to the world of bad coffee?  Well, of course I can.  I realize good coffee is a luxury.  But what a joy to know that there is a place in the world where people do not even have to stop and wonder: “You think they have good coffee here?”  And what a challenge to hold this other question before me in all aspects of my life: “Why not just make it all good?”

The Kindness of Strangers

Travel is said to be—at least potentially—educational.  Travel, ideally, offers a wider perspective than one can easily grasp from home.  Travel—and especially international travel—offers perspective by allowing one a view of the world (and, indeed, of one’s home) from a new vantage point.  And best of all, perhaps, international travel causes the traveler to feel vulnerable.

Why best of all?  Because in struggling with the simplest of tasks (making one’s way to a specific location; having the right identification or transportation ticket or means of payment at one’s disposal; checking in the correct direction before one crosses the street) I reach a new realization, in Unitarian Universalist terms, of my interdependence.  In literary terms, I can repeat the words of Blanche Dubois from Tennessee Williams’ A Streetcar Named Desire, with all conviction: “I have always depended upon the kindness of strangers.”  And bless those strangers–the couple on the streets of Amsterdam who pointed us toward our hotel the first night; the woman, Desiree, on the train from Kerkrade who walked us patiently and efficiently through our stops on a day when construction on the tracks had thrown the schedule and connections awry; the lady checking our passports in London who started out gruff and ended up smiling as she patiently explained the information she needed; and many others—bless those strangers who kindly offered help when we needed it.

And it makes me wonder how helpful I am when I am at home, walking through the streets of Bisbee—which has its share of tourists.  There is that syndrome of “locals” griping about “tourists” that I can sometimes mindlessly mimic, as if “tourist” was some kind of alien creature rather than a fellow human being.  And if tourists rely on the kindness of strangers (locals), it is also true that the Bisbee “locals” rely on tourists (spending money) to fund the basic services that we enjoy.

Though tourism itself may wane and transform as we face the depletion of fossil fuels and the realities of climate change, it is also true that we—if we’re paying attention—have a greater sense of our interdependence; our necessary reliance upon one another; our insecurity and vulnerability in the face of untamed life.  We are all travelers in the cosmos and we are all “locals” on this earth and we have always depended on the kindness of one another.

The Best Laid Plans or Imagination vs. Reality

When I imagined what our days would be like on Sabbatical, they were a little different than what the reality has been.  They were not better or worse, necessarily, they were just different. 

The questions at this point becomes, were my imagined days the “right” Sabbatical or are the actual days of my experience the “right” Sabbatical? 

In my imagined days, I guess I was a lot younger, stronger, and healthier.  I imagined sitting in outdoor cafes, writing brilliant things (or at least semi-intelligent things).  I imagined having had the experiences of visiting museums, gardens, and castles, without actually doing the walking, the riding, the standing, the stair climbing, or the travel to and fro. 

In my real days, I find myself checking my pedometer multiple times a day, being stunned and astounded by the numbers, which these legs have never experienced in the three years I have been wearing it.  (A few days ago, I broke my record, topping 17,000 steps, and then two days later, I broke my record again with 19,126 steps.)  I find myself exhausted at the end of each day, wondering exactly what I had seen, done, experienced that actually warranted such fatigue. 

In my imagined days, I forgot what a hassle being a diabetic on a really low carb diet can be.  I ate foods that I liked and I didn’t get to a point once or twice each day where if I didn’t get something to eat immediately, I would experience an all over wilting feeling.  I am not sure what it was I was sipping in those outdoor cafes, but it certainly wasn’t cold water in the Netherlands, and as I don’t drink coffee or tea or alcohol, I am not sure what kept the wait staff at said cafes from kicking me out, throwing my computer behind me.

Of course in my imagined days, wi-fi was easily available and free.  In my imagined days, when I tried to load photos onto my facebook page, it always worked seamlessly, not just when I asked Rod to help me figure out why it wasn’t working. 

In my imagined days, pepper didn’t taste peculiar and meat tasted like meat tastes at home.  I read book after book after book on my kindle and then wrote pithy reviews.  Ice was available in the hotels and wi-fi was available in the rooms. 

Trying to find a balance between the imagined and real days, I struggle with the feeling that if I don’t see this attraction or go to that museum while I am here, I will not have another opportunity…at least not for a long time.  And I struggle with the feeling that if I don’t sit in my imaginary café and absorb the culture, and listen to the voices I will never have another opportunity for that either. 

We have three full days left in London, as I write this Wednesday morning.  On Saturday we check out of the hotel that has been our home here and pick up our rental car and head out for the final phase of the English portion of the trip.  We have a whole list of things we still haven’t seen yet, and it is debatable how many of those things we will actually see. 

It is clear that I have not written as much as I had hoped to, as much as I had wanted to, but there is the conundrum of having the experiences or writing about the experiences.  There is the conundrum of experiencing things or photographing them to experience later.  

I have a list of blog posts I want to write, and our guest blogger, Rod, has a growing list, as well.  These will be about things we have already seen and done and experienced.  But taking time to write about them means we are having fewer experiences at the moment.  

My imagined Sabbatical and my real Sabbatical are not quite the same. The question is, how much can I give up of one at the risk of the other.